Thinking back.

I find myself thinking back to my younger self a lot recently and comparing the old me to the new me. I'm surprised to be honest ! Before I was more emotional, caring and vaulnerable, I put myself out on the line more to help people by taking on their problems as my own, I knew it wasn't healthy and I knew it was dangerous but I couldn't stop, it just happened that way. When i think back through the years I think of them as blocks, mainly due to the people I've had relationships with at those times. They've affected me the most, shaping my emotional personality more than anything else and I'm thankful for each relationship, no matter how shit or rubbish it was or hard it seemed now and then I'm still happy they happened and that I could experience them.

I wouldn't say I'm a better person now than I was back then, I guess it's all relative to whats going on now in my life. I know for sure that my old self would suffer just as badly now as he did all those years ago (I talking like i'm 70 or something..) with the current events that are going on now in my life, so i'm thankful that my present self is able to stay above the water and not be overwhelmed by everything.

I'm more socialable, out going and feel more like the person I always wanted to be when I was younger which is a nice thing of course, still a few "improvements" and adjustments I need to make but I'm getting there at least.

When I said earlier that I was "more emotional, caring.." and so on, I didn't mean that I wasn't emotional or caring these days. I feel that I'm more in control of my emotions which is clearly a good thing, it's just that I seem to have a barrier in place to stop myself getting attached to something I really shouldn't be or I'm more weary of things going on instead of stomping blindly into things.

Anyway, I don't really know where i'm going with this, I didn't really think it out but who cares ?! It's my blog :D

Cya :)